No-one is very good at it (except maybe professional monks and nuns or people who have been practicing for 20 years). And maybe they aren't very good at it either - but have come to realise that is part of being human, and accept that.
So I thought I would outline a little of my experience, and jot down one or two things I have found help me.
I have been meditating serious (daily) for about five years. I started with The Way of the Pilgrim - an anonymous booklet outlining the experiences of a Russian lay pilgrim learning to "pray continually" in the nineteenth century. The pilgrim develops a method of meditation as he walks - something quite similar to the Catholic meditation of the Rosary.
I am quite an analytical person and I then started researching other forms of meditation - particularly Catholic mediation used by contemplative orders, and came to Fr Thomas Merton's New Seeds of Contemplation.
Merton was very interesting for all sorts of reasons, but in the 1960s he spent a lot of time looking at Eastern meditation - and one of his final insights was that we already have all we need in our tradition. Very reassuring. He is well worth reading if you are interested. Here is one of his prayers, something I have found very helpful.
My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.About 18 months ago, inspired by Merton's simplicity and honesty, I started regular meditation in the morning (and continued the "Jesus Prayer" of The Way of the Pilgrim at night). One of my first blogs outlined an early insight for me. I realised that we are two people and have two minds.
I have two minds: one is most obvious in moments of love, or tenderness, or of beauty.
The other is the mind that has evolved during 40 million years of survival. This second mind dominates our lives because it is so active (it has to be to help us survive). This second mind fears the danger in everything, especially the unknown. It is the mind that replays moments of conflict during our day to work out how to win next time.
It trusts nothing or no-one: everything could hurt us.
Obviously any prayer life or meditation practice aims to get us into the first mind - and find ways to quieten our evolutionary mind. My friend who "wasn't very good" at meditation and gave up, missed this point. None of us are good at meditation - especially at first, because our evolutionary mind is always trying to interrupt! I suspect sometimes that it is at war with my spiritual mind!
Anyone seriously working at a strong prayer life or at mediation, has to start by acknowledging this situation.
What do I do to get past the frantic worries and distractions of my evolved mind?
- The first step is to accept it, and accept that it will never go away
- I often start with a short reading to get me started and provide stimulus
- It is really helpful to remember that God will do the work - not us. But we do need to provide the invitation - and put ourselves in the situation of quiet and peace and without interruption.
- No-one begins good at this. My active mind keeps interrupting. That's normal.
- I notice.
- I push the thought or feeling aside without buying into it, and continue. Over time I have got much better at this.
- I find it helpful to develop routines around my meditation:
- I try to pray at the same time every morning and evening for 15 minutes (using the countdown clock on my phone)
- I use the same chair - sit up straight, eyes closed, feet on the floor, slow deep breathing
- I ask God for help. God made us with free will, and honours that if we do not open the door.
- I try to pray without words or images - my goal is to clear space in my mind for God. So I find it helpful to have a word to come back to every time my active mind distracts me. LOVE is a favourite - but sometimes my reading suggests a word.
- I do the breathing I suggest in the two minds blog - concentrating on breathing in and out. Once my mind has slowed to the breathing, I try to empty my mind. I try to observe the emptiness of my mind. Over time I have got much better at this.
- I accept that my first five minutes will be unproductive: it takes that long (at least) to slow down my active mind.
One of them is the interruptions and distractions of our minds. But there are other obstacles too: we are self-reliant and don't think we should rely on some unseen God. Our survival minds are afraid of danger and enemies that must be dealt with before anything else.
Our pride is a real obstacle - I can do anything I need to do! It seems weak to rely on God. Sometimes we don't like to bother God with something not urgent.
And we are not sure how to speak to this unseen, unheard God. I speak - but I hear no reply. My defensive mind whispers that people are right when they say there is no God and I am making a fool of myself!
But I believe our God is waiting for us, and in a moment when I reach out in faith God will reach back, touch me, change me. Our Father is waiting. And, like Thomas Merton, I believe that the desire to please God does in fact please God.
PS Don't forget that you are welcome to join me on my prayer pilgrimage to Easter - for the remaining 23 days, or just when you can: http://meditations-insights.blogspot.co.nz/
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